Saturday, July 17, 2010

CRUD it's FREAKING.............H...O...T

i figured that when i moved away from Phoenix i would have been away from this blistering heat. WRONG---O! Man, it's just as bad out here in the Inland Empire. Not sure why it's an empire, since there are only freeways, trash, rocks, and dirt. So hurray for you Emperor your ruling land is an awesome cloud of smog. Seriously i'm DYING here in my condo. Literally dying. my body is slowly loosing all it's moisture and drying out to be a shriveled piece of human jerky. what really sucks about this heat is that 1) i have no pool to cool off in. sure i could lay down in the middle of the sidewalk where the puddles of water are from the stupid sprinklers that don't work correctly and water the concrete instead of our little patch of grass. i'm sure my neighbors wouldn't think i was a freak. 2) i don't have central air. all i have are 2 stupid wall units that are the size of toasters and not the 4 slice kind. they're the $7 special at Wal-mart that only have one setting of scorcher. tell me how am i supposed to cool off 800 sqft with toasters? HUH? answer me that genius! 3) the unit in my bedroom is only a foot of the floor. anyone see what's wrong here? yeah, that's right heat rises. Hmmmmm, let's think about this. if heat rises then let's cool the floor because obviously then the hot air will go to the ceiling........yeah.......that will work. NO IDIOT! you cool the air up above so it falls down and circulates the hot air out.
so what i've resorted too is just turning on the unit in my bedroom because i only really care to be comfortable when i sleep and leave the doors shut to my room so it's my little sanctuary of cool. i come home from work fill my bath with cold water and sit in it until my body temperature is down far enough that i can stand to be in the living room. also, i was the mental case that chose the upstairs apartment which makes this whole heat situation compounded because as we reviewed before heat rises. unfortunately i'm too cheap to run the A/C unit in the living room because i'm afraid to see what the electric bill will be, after all this is California and everything is always more expensive out here.
i'm really considering buying a small plastic kiddie pool and putting it in my living room so when i get hot i can just take a quick dip. of course if it gets a hole or a crack in it i just might be royally screwed and there isn't a life guard on duty so i might drown.
i see these little kids out in their yards playing in their little inflatable pools and wish so greatly i could just jump in and join them but i don't really want to have charges pressed against me or a gun put to my head. now if i could only find an inflatable pool full of grown men. where are those neighborhoods? San Francisco? That's it........i'm moving.

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