99cent store…………how do I love you

After I moved into my new residence I went in search of some food. I was starving, I hadn’t eaten since 9am that morning and it was now after 5pm. My stomach was growling and my appetite was ravaged. I went in search of some food and on my way I found a 99cent Only Store. It was a like a beacon of light in this unknown place. My eyes grew wide and the smile splayed across my face. YES! A giant store full of stuff I want but don’t need and it’s only a $1 (which is an actual lie because with tax it’s close to $1.08, just something to think about) I knew at that moment my life would be Ok, that store pretty much has everything. So the next day I ventured into the store while repair men were buying supplies and I quickly grab cleaning products; a broom, a dust pan, a mop………yep that’s right all only for a dollar. I go in search of the cleaning solutions and low and behold they have “green” products at the $1 store. Yeah that’s right, even they care about saving the environment. Let’s forget the fact that pretty much everything they sell is disposable and will probably break after the 3rd time you use it and thus producing more trash for the landfills and let’s also gloss over the fact that most of the items probably have lead in them and aren’t safe for children use but you can buy a “green” version of a Windex knock off that is made from coconut based chemicals. I peruse the isles looking for items to quickly clean the house and I am quickly distracted by the cute bud vases that have leaves stamped in them. Sure they’re useless but they’re so cute and I think I’ve just picked a color scheme for my kitchen; green, yellow, orange. Oh yeah! It’s going to be great. But wait! Is that an oven mitt with green stripes and little lemon slices on it? Why yes it is? How cute is that and guess what there’s the matching hot pads and matching hand towels and………wait, the matching washcloths? OH WHAT LUCK!! Into the cart they go. HOLD UP! Focus………i need to stay focused. Sponges I need sponges. Ok, here we go the sponge isle. Let’s see……green ones, yellow ones, mesh ones, one side with cloth…and wait a sec. What is THAT! HOLY CRAP! A dusting mitt. Yeah, that’s right, a mitt that you put on your hand and dust with. How awesome is that and so very convenient. That is a must and throw in all the sponges. Who cares it’s a dollar. Oh and a couple of scrub brushes. Alright now what? Oh yeah, air freshener I need some for the house. Let’s find out where they keep it. Maybe down this isle? No, this is where they keep the frames and cheap art pieces. But look at that, they have cute little wooden plaques that have olde time French advertisements on them. How CUTE! And look there’s a whole series of them. Oh……they’ll look so awesome in my new kitchen. I love cheap decorations. And look there are other wooden pieces with classic white flowers on them. Sure they aren’t really painted but they sure look like they are. And if I search hard enough I bet I can find ones that match. Oh yes! They have plenty and they are going to look great in the new dining room. SO GREAT! Ok a just a few more things. A cutting board, some wash cloths and…………SHUT UP! Contact paper with palm trees ON IT! I think I just struck gold. I can use these to line my bathroom cabinets. WOO HOO! Ok seriously, I’m done. The repair guys will be back soon and I need to get going. Out to the check out line. Just down this isle and Wait, Wait! I need nails to hang up my new décor and a hammer. Crap! back to the other end of the store and i need a box knife to cut the contact paper. Ok yeah, that’s it. Alright now to check out. Hey is that a post it note with a tree frog on it? My aunt and uncle are going to love those. Cheap Christmas gift. AWESOME! I start to unload my cart of treasures and as the cashier finishes ringing up my items he asks, “Would you like to try a Toblerone? We’re selling them at two for a dollar.” “Oh no that’s ok. I’ve had them before.” And who does he think he is pushing a sale like that. Do I look like I just frivolously spend my money on candy? “The total comes to $73.46” he says. SWEET! It’s a good thing I bought only what I needed.