Wednesday, December 28, 2011


A few weeks ago I was waiting for a friend at the local CVS store. I was standing outside on the sidewalk waiting for her to drive up and as I was waiting I received an interesting request from a passing stranger. A guy in a well-used SUV slowly rolled up to me with his arm extended from the window and a cell phone in his hand to ask, “Will you answer this phone call for me?” A little puzzled I questioned him, “why don’t you just call back the number after they hang up?” “The number says unavailable so I can’t call them back.” Ok, well that logic makes sense except I still don’t know why he is asking me to answer the call. If it’s someone he’s trying to avoid then why doesn’t he just ignore the phone call and let them leave a message? And if I did answer and they asked for him who’s to say I wouldn’t just hand the phone back over to him which would completely defeat the purpose of me answering. “Um, ok I guess,” was the answer I gave him. “never mind, they just hung up.” And away he drove. Perhaps this fellow wasn’t a master of disguise or possesses finesse at lying but it would seem that if an unavailable number kept calling your cell phone and never leaving a message you could simple answer the call the next time it rang and state that they had the wrong number, people frequently change their cell phone numbers so this would be a plausible excuse. What I really wonder is what was going through his mind? Did he think I would have a conversation with this person on his behalf? Did he think I would lie to them for him? That’s a little presumptuous. For all he knew I could have answered the phone and said, “Well he’s right here next to me but was afraid to answer the phone because he didn’t know the number which makes me think he’s trying to avoid you.” I could have ratted him out to whoever was on the other line. I could have made up a story that he was attacked by rabid bunnies and was so horribly disfigured that the doctors could only identify him by the wax in his ear. I guess we’ll never know what I would have done since that person decided it was time to hang up.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Adventures at the laundromat

So now that I am forced to drive down to my local laundry mat and pump my quarters into old machines that don’t ever really clean your clothes and take 3 hours to dry them I have had my first awesome Laundromat experience. For the most part I’ve been able to clean my clothes undisturbed and left in peace to read my various books. But I did attempt to use the bathroom which was my first mini-adventure. First of all the bathroom costs money to use………shocker I know, but those of you that live in ghetto neighborhoods know that there are many vagrants, drugged out wanderers, trouble makers and straight out crazy people; so many businesses will make a person pay for a bathroom to avoid vandals and those looking for a place to crash during the night. Well one day someone that had used the bathroom didn’t shut the door all the way and it was left open to public use and I needing to pee decided to attempt the facility. Well I can say that despite the fact that it costs money it didn’t really detour vandals from graffiti and making their mark on the walls and toilet. It’s really a statement to spray paint a toilet, “Life’s crap man” or at least that’s what I imagine it says if I could actually read the scribbling. Now I’m not sure the staff actual cleans the bathroom maybe cause it costs money they just ignore it because they don’t want to take that $.25 out of their pay check but it didn’t looked like it had been cleaned in the last year and it smelled like it too; the stench of urine hit as soon as you walked in the door. That is when I decided that I could wait until I got home. But if you think about it, if I was a homeless person I’d find a pay bathroom to live in, I mean if you paid to sleep there every night your rent would only be $91 a year and you’d have free maid service because the staff would clean up the place, it’d really be a sweet deal except you’d have to sleep with the stench of pee in your nose all night.
But on to my great adventure; the last time I was in the Laundromat I was sitting at the little bench reading the Adventure of Sherlock Holmes (which is a fun book to read) and this little Asian man comes up to me and asks if I have a cell phone he can borrow. I just give him this quizzical, “Are you serious?” look and he pulls his phone out of his pocket “I’m out of batteries.” In the next 5 seconds my mind goes through a series of thoughts: Is this guy for real? Is he really just cheap and doesn’t want to pay for minutes? What if he runs off with my phone? What if he has some nasty ear fungus that gets on my phone? What if he has a nasty mouth infection that drips ONTO my phone? I hate the Laundromat! Why do I have to live in a ghetto complex? Why doesn’t a cute guy ask to borrow my phone? Gross did you see his teeth, I think they are literally rotting in place. But even after this internal struggle I decided to be nice and let the guy borrow my phone and make his phone call. I figure if he ran off with it I could either chase him down or let him have it since it was only $20. After he finishes his brief conversation he sits on the bench next to me and starts to ask questions; do you live around here? “yes, down the street.” Are you married? “No, but I have a boyfriend.” That’s good you’re not married. “…..” What is that in your hand? “A Kindle.” Oh wow, let me see it? “Um……….ok,” as he grabs the device from my hand. Now I’m a little paranoid that he’ll drop it and it’s not exactly cheap. I quickly explain how it works and then take it from him to save any potential damage. Do you live around here? (he asks again) “yes, down the street.” And then I go to check on my laundry. Now I try to be a kind person, I let him use my phone a couple times and I tried not to be rude while talking to him but I couldn’t stop staring at his brown teeth and wondering what it was that made his breath smell so bad. Did he eat rats marinated in urine for dinner? I avoided going back to the bench and he eventually finished his laundry and left but I imagine it’s only a matter of time before I find another friend while washing my undies.

Check out these super cute pandas. I want to work here just to hold one of these little fluff balls.