Friday, July 2, 2010

Can i use a tape disenser?

I was at my new office scanning in loads of documents for a project close-out (just what I wanted to do my first week of work) but hey might as well relax a little before the storm hit this summer. (figuratively not literally I’m not sure if CA has a monsoon season like AZ) anyway around noon the other ladies in the office take off for the rest of the day and I’m sitting there all by myself with my music and my computer. First thing I think is, “hey I can now do my work with my pants off.” Then a friend suggests that I just be totally naked, I mean Why Not? There’s no one here and nor will there be the rest of the day. But I just can’t bring myself to do it. What if a delivery person comes walking in? How would I explain that one? “Um, well sir see I spilled something all over my clothes, every inch in fact. So I just decided I should strip down to my skivvies and do my work in my under garments.” Not sure he’d buy it but I’d definitely be the best thing he’d have to talk about all day and share with his coworkers when i got back to the office. "hey dudes guess what? i totally caught this girl at the office in her panties and then her friend came out of the other office in her panties and they totally had a pillow fight." of course you know this is what the guy would tell his buddies because they all exaggerate.

Anyway so it was lunch time when they leave and I’m searching our cramped office for a can opener. There is none to be found. Nothing. So as my nasty dried pasta dish is cooking in the microwave (I unfortunately did not have a fridge at my house at that moment so had to eat nasty processed food) I’m wondering how I can open my can without a can opener. I then do what every normal person would do in that situation, I check the internet. And once again the World Wide Web has come to my aide (sort of) you can open a can with just a regular knife. The only problem is all I have access to is a dull butter knife and some crappy office scissors. Ok…….I think to myself…..let’s give that butter knife a shot. I grab a knife and then start to pound the top of the can. Nothing but little dimples of dents begin to show up. No good. I than decide that I need something to strike against the end of the knife. ‘Oh, I know. This tape dispenser. Yeah, that should work.” WRONG! What was I thinking? Did I actually think that small piece of mesh cloth would hold against the knife? HA! I start to strike and then grains of sand start to spill on the counter top. I turn the dispenser over and see that the sand that keeps the dispenser weighted is now spilling all over the counter like grains of salt. Crap! I quickly grab the packing tape and patch up the bottom and put the tape back on the counter. Sorry for ruining the tape dispener boss put it in the next change order. Ok, well the can still isn’t open.

I looked over at our recruiter’s desk. Hmmmmm, well she has some scissors that are pointy. I can give them a shot. I hammer the scissors down on top of the can. “POP!” YES! Success I have penetrated the seal. Ok now back to the butter knife and after several strikes with the tip I get a hole in the top. I shove in the end and pry open a little hole. I take out the knife and there is the nasty liquid on the knife. I wipe it on my jeans and continue to pry open the can. Yeah, that’s right I just wipe it on my jeans, I can’t take time to stop the progress. Besides this was the 3rd day I’d worn the jeans and they were going in the wash when I got home anyway. Man, get off my back. Don't judge me, you know that you don't wash your jeans everyday. I grab another crappy pair of office scissors and make a cut. Oh…..we’re getting somewhere now. I make a hole big enough that I can shake out the turkey chunks into the nasty pasta and at least get some protein in my lunch. So there you go YouTube you can open a can with a knife and crappy office scissors. Don’t use a tape dispenser the results are less then successful.

1 comment:

  1. You know what would be hilarious? If your office had hidden surveillance cameras and someone was watching you pound on that little can...hehe.

    By the way, did you wipe off the scissors you used when you put them back on their desk?

    I say that because a co-worker once used my scissors to open a mustard baggie....didn't wipe them and put them back in my jar. It was summer and I had a stash of otter pops in the office freezer....and I use the scissors to cut the plastic as I consume the otter pop. Well as you can imagine, when I used the scissors the following day....the semi dried up mustard penetrated the freshly cut plastic of my otter pop which I then shoved in my mouth....the result = GROSS!!!