Thursday, July 29, 2010
PS. This video ranks #2 on the list. I don't even have words for this.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
when i got to the laundry room the washing machine had stopped mid cycle because the load had become unbalance so it had 14min left on the cycle. CRAP! now i have to walk by that lady again. i walked quickly through the courtyard to avoid eye contact while she played in the puddles. when i came down again to switch over my laundry she was now laying on her stomach while (who i can only assume was her son) was running the hose over her back and he himself was completely soaked sitting in a little plastic chair. once again awkward. when i had to walk back through again up to my condo she was sitting up and he had the hose shoved down the front of her shirt pouring water down her cleavage. now i felt awkward for him, "Hey son could you cool off my boobies, their so hot and sweaty." Really? that kid is going to need major therapy when he gets older. maybe i should suggest that we all go in on an inflatable pool together and fill it up on the weekends so we can all lay in it together. we can put out fliers around the complex and make it into a full blown pool party. BBQ on the little grille and sit on the small picnic bench. shoot let's buy a pinata and stuff it with dollar store candy that probably has lead in it because it's from China. it'd be great. neighborhood pool party......BYOB......Bring Your Own Boy......that kid can't cool off everyone's breasts.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
so what i've resorted too is just turning on the unit in my bedroom because i only really care to be comfortable when i sleep and leave the doors shut to my room so it's my little sanctuary of cool. i come home from work fill my bath with cold water and sit in it until my body temperature is down far enough that i can stand to be in the living room. also, i was the mental case that chose the upstairs apartment which makes this whole heat situation compounded because as we reviewed before heat rises. unfortunately i'm too cheap to run the A/C unit in the living room because i'm afraid to see what the electric bill will be, after all this is California and everything is always more expensive out here.
i'm really considering buying a small plastic kiddie pool and putting it in my living room so when i get hot i can just take a quick dip. of course if it gets a hole or a crack in it i just might be royally screwed and there isn't a life guard on duty so i might drown.
i see these little kids out in their yards playing in their little inflatable pools and wish so greatly i could just jump in and join them but i don't really want to have charges pressed against me or a gun put to my head. now if i could only find an inflatable pool full of grown men. where are those neighborhoods? San Francisco? That's it........i'm moving.
Monday, July 12, 2010
In my recent relocation to CA from AZ my company had included in my signing deal the agreement to pay for a moving service to relocate my belongings. How dare they spoil me with such a luxury, I can never go back to moving my own stuff. All I had to do was sit on my butt and point to items I wanted them to pack and then furniture and boxes they needed to load. Could it be any easier? Only unless they find a way to teleport the items with my mind, but unfortunately the Force is still under research with NASA and their crew of Star Wars experts.
I was wondering why I had spent all those years in college telling my friends I was having a “moving party” where I proceeded to bribe them with the promise of bagels for breakfast or pizza for dinner or a make out session after the unpacking (unfortunately no one ever took me up on that offer). Little did I know that if I had a moving company I could have had a “moving party” where I actually really just had a party. I would invite all my friends over to the house when the movers would be there and since everyone would show up and hour late they’d be just in time to see the movers show up to pack my stuff and then they could enjoy as I did sitting with my feet up on the coffee table as these packers slaved away shoving my items into boxes and wondering how many more shoes they were going to have to pack. We could have sat around the pool playing volleyball and BBQing only to be disturbed every once in a while with the question, “do you want all of these bobble heads in one box?” "Yes", I would say, "Yes, I do because I would hate to have to open a box and only have it contain one bobble head instead of all 60 in my collection." (I don’t really have a collection of bobble heads but you get the picture)
And the even better part is when I arrived at my new condo they were there the next day with their truck full of goodies and I could sit there at my table checking off the boxes as they unloaded them and give them the location to place it. “Yes, would you please leave my bed in the living room? I think I would like to sleep there for the night.” I didn’t have to grunt and groan going up and down stairs with box after box. The only difficulty I found was when they would read off the numbers on the boxes I didn’t always understand what they said? “that was 3….4…..what? did he just say………..shoe? Since when is that a number? What 86? That’s not even on the sheet? Oh wait he meant 98, he just read it upside down.” (This children is why you stay in school and why it’s important that if you move to another country you take time to learn the language.)
What a fantastic way to relocate. I will always now use movers when I have to transplant to another location. Well of course when I have someone else to pay for it. I mean are you kidding? I don’t have that kind of money. Who do you think I am? I have more shoes to buy!
Friday, July 2, 2010
I was at my new office scanning in loads of documents for a project close-out (just what I wanted to do my first week of work) but hey might as well relax a little before the storm hit this summer. (figuratively not literally I’m not sure if CA has a monsoon season like AZ) anyway around noon the other ladies in the office take off for the rest of the day and I’m sitting there all by myself with my music and my computer. First thing I think is, “hey I can now do my work with my pants off.” Then a friend suggests that I just be totally naked, I mean Why Not? There’s no one here and nor will there be the rest of the day. But I just can’t bring myself to do it. What if a delivery person comes walking in? How would I explain that one? “Um, well sir see I spilled something all over my clothes, every inch in fact. So I just decided I should strip down to my skivvies and do my work in my under garments.” Not sure he’d buy it but I’d definitely be the best thing he’d have to talk about all day and share with his coworkers when i got back to the office. "hey dudes guess what? i totally caught this girl at the office in her panties and then her friend came out of the other office in her panties and they totally had a pillow fight." of course you know this is what the guy would tell his buddies because they all exaggerate.
Anyway so it was lunch time when they leave and I’m searching our cramped office for a can opener. There is none to be found. Nothing. So as my nasty dried pasta dish is cooking in the microwave (I unfortunately did not have a fridge at my house at that moment so had to eat nasty processed food) I’m wondering how I can open my can without a can opener. I then do what every normal person would do in that situation, I check the internet. And once again the World Wide Web has come to my aide (sort of) you can open a can with just a regular knife. The only problem is all I have access to is a dull butter knife and some crappy office scissors. Ok…….I think to myself…..let’s give that butter knife a shot. I grab a knife and then start to pound the top of the can. Nothing but little dimples of dents begin to show up. No good. I than decide that I need something to strike against the end of the knife. ‘Oh, I know. This tape dispenser. Yeah, that should work.” WRONG! What was I thinking? Did I actually think that small piece of mesh cloth would hold against the knife? HA! I start to strike and then grains of sand start to spill on the counter top. I turn the dispenser over and see that the sand that keeps the dispenser weighted is now spilling all over the counter like grains of salt. Crap! I quickly grab the packing tape and patch up the bottom and put the tape back on the counter. Sorry for ruining the tape dispener boss put it in the next change order. Ok, well the can still isn’t open.
I looked over at our recruiter’s desk. Hmmmmm, well she has some scissors that are pointy. I can give them a shot. I hammer the scissors down on top of the can. “POP!” YES! Success I have penetrated the seal. Ok now back to the butter knife and after several strikes with the tip I get a hole in the top. I shove in the end and pry open a little hole. I take out the knife and there is the nasty liquid on the knife. I wipe it on my jeans and continue to pry open the can. Yeah, that’s right I just wipe it on my jeans, I can’t take time to stop the progress. Besides this was the 3rd day I’d worn the jeans and they were going in the wash when I got home anyway. Man, get off my back. Don't judge me, you know that you don't wash your jeans everyday. I grab another crappy pair of office scissors and make a cut. Oh…..we’re getting somewhere now. I make a hole big enough that I can shake out the turkey chunks into the nasty pasta and at least get some protein in my lunch. So there you go YouTube you can open a can with a knife and crappy office scissors. Don’t use a tape dispenser the results are less then successful.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Chocolate for breakfast...........what a way to to start your day. Let's hope you're running 5miles after.