Tuesday, August 27, 2013


I have a confession to make. I LOVE Horoscopes! Yep, that's right i love reading general written statements that are so white washed they could apply to just about anyone on the face of the Earth but i'll still read them and think, "That totally describes my life right now." And in some instances the accuracy of association is so eerily close to my circumstance that i think for just a second that fortune tellers really do exist. But what i love most is my friend Suzy likes to read them as much as i do and this year she saved my birthday horoscope. So let us take a journey into my future this next year and dissect the predictions of promise.

"You'll love the recognition and money you get for your individual efforts" Hmmm, well i'm not really sure how the money aspect will apply considering i don't have a job but perhaps i'll become a dog walker and find the money it brings is completely worth the effort i put in? But then money has never really been a motivation for me so i don't know "love" would be an accurate description. Now recognition......that's something i can love. Who doesn't like a pat on the back or a printed certificate from a package computer program that reads "Most Motivational" that is given out at a lunch time meeting with store bought cake and foam cups?

"The group accepts you, but you don't fit in there" Now this one confuses me a bit. i'm not really quite sure what "group" is being referred to here. i don't currently have a work group but let's look at the next sentence. "You'll roam, looking for a "home" for your talents" Now see i'd say the was completely applicable to my work situation 3 months prior. Can horoscopes be retroactive? Are they just validating a decision you've already made in life? For this we will pretend the scrape of newspaper is endorsing my decision to quit work. Let us continue.

"August shows you a better match." Let's see here.....it's the 27th of August and i still have yet to get a job interview or call back. Perhaps my "better match" is this unemployed life i have chosen. Maybe i'll find someone who needs a travel companion and has endless supplies of money to fund this. Let's go with that.

"Unpredictable interruptions, detours and surprises keep your personal life hopping." I would have to agree that my personal life is "hopping" but i don't know that it's necessarily unpredictable, so far I've planned every trip out of town and kind of know it's coming but perhaps when i go to Japan it will come with surprises like i get to participate in a sumo wrestling match and it happens to be the same match where Dwayne Johnson is attending, OH YEAH! And i suppose i do have 10 more months till my next birthday. Ok, bring on the detours, i have a full tank of gas to waste.

"Wedding bells ring in December." I am going to guess these wedding bells are ringing for others and not myself but that i will indeed hear them as a supportive bystander. Or maybe i'll be stealing wedding bells and they will be ringing as i'm running from the angered masses. Do people even have bells at weddings anymore?

"Aries and Leo adore you" Well that's just nice to know. I think i might start asking people their astro signs and if they adore me or not. Survey to be compiled later.

"Your lucky numbers are 47, 2, 19, 33 and 45" Now are those lucky numbers for the year? The month? The next power ball drawing? I have yet to buy a lottery ticket perhaps i should look into this. Maybe that's the money for my individual efforts. Time to get to a gas station.

Thank you Arizona Republic Newspaper for your birthday predictions. Perhaps in 10 months we will visit these again and see whether or not they actually came true. And if the didn't i will stand outside your corporate office with a big sign that reads "YOUR HOROSCOPES GIVE FALSE HOPE"

And for your enjoyment here is an awesome picture of Messier 81 i figure a celestial message should be accompanied by a celestial body.