Sunday, June 27, 2010

I saw him

So this morning i went back down to do the laundry i consequently did not do yesterday. The beach was calling my name and laundry can always wait, until it can't wait and you're out of underwear and you're left wearing the gross pair that is there for "emergencies" you didn't do your laundry and you have a date that night. Anyway, when i went down to the room this morning i figured anyone that would have been there probably wasn't because the construction crew working on the condo behind me were making a LOT of noise and it probably would have been a little strange if the guy came out of the laundry room with night cap and gown saying, "hey guys...could you keep it down i'm trying to sleep on this cold tile floor in here." Not that anyone even wears caps and gowns to bed anymore. I mean honestly what is the cap even for? To keep your head warm? How would it stay on during the night? Unless you sleep in a box where you can't move. Did you imagine his gown was blue with white stripes? Cause i did.
When i went down to switch my laundry from the wash to the dryer is when i met the washroom tenant. We was heading out of the door while i was coming he. "Uh.....hey." was the interchange between us. He's a tall thin brother man and he had a sort of slurpee drink in his hand. When i was in the room there were no other baskets or machines running so i can only assume he was the one in the corner the morning before. I curse myself now for not checking his shoes to see if they were the same. CSI would NEVER hire me.
But as i opened the dryer to put my clothes in the first one i opened had the blue comforter that to my surprise had had a body underneath it. Smart! putting the bedding in the machine to hide it. i should have grabbed that bedding and then threw it in the dumpster as to detour him from coming back for a nights rest but i don't know what's on that comforter and i'm not about to expose myself to what is. I don't want scabies. i think he's just a tweaker looking for a place to crash but i'm not sure what to do about it. I mean technically he's taking up real estate that i am paying rent for. there could be some benches or chairs installed where he is now sleeping. Or an old school arcade game like centipede or gauntlet. i'll probably email my management company and find out if there is anyone on site in charge of this place and make them be the bad guy. Or i could put a tape in the room making it seem like it's haunted, quickly run by in a white sheet, put cardboard cut outs next to the windows and door. i can't imagine even a tweaker wouldn't be afraid of ghosts. Or maybe i could just come in early one morning and pelt him with water balloons or a paint gun. that would be a rude awakening. of course i'd be wearing a white hockey mask or a nixon mask. SAY NO TO DRUGS!! THEY'LL RUIN YOUR LIFE LOSER!! and that is what i would yell as i ran for my life because he's quite a bit taller than i am and could probably out run me.


  1. This is freakin' hilarious! Did you ever see that awesome 80's flick Real Genius? The scared freshman roomie of Val Kilmer realized that there's a strange, hairy man living in their closet. Classic!

  2. Haha I actually pictured the those in the beauty parlor where they stick out your hairs to do highlights....keep these coming :o) ...and yes you are my home page!!