Thursday, June 24, 2010

Howler Monkey

A couple nights ago this girl in the complex was sitting below my window trying to do her best Beyonce impression. Well she was completely unsuccessful in her task because if anything she sounded like a wounded howler monkey who's banana was just stolen or their leg was caught in a tree branch and they were crying for help. She was EXTREMELY off key and flat. I'm all for singing your heart out, that is why the invented Karaoke bars where everyone is drunk and no one can tell the difference and they don't remember the next day that you sounded like a wounded cow. That's probably why they get so many bad singers for the Idol try outs. No one ever tells them their singing is horrible because everyone was too drunk to remember it.
I digress. Anyway this girl had no need to be practicing her voice lessons outside my window at 11pm on a week night. People need sleep, mostly me because i am crabby when i don't get 8 hours. I considered just yelling out the window "SHUT UP!" but then figured i might get a gun shot to the face and figured it better not too. No, I think i live in a very safe neighborhood......why do you ask? Then i thought about those cartoons where people throw their shoes at the noisy dog or cat on the fence. And i was wondering what shoe i could throw but then thought, "Why would i throw my shoes. I love my shoes. Why would i punish such a cute shoe by throwing it out the window?" Besides once it hit the screen it would have just bounced back and hit me in the face and then where would we be? The singing would still be bad and now i'd have a black eye to explain at work. "Um, well.........yeah guys. I got into this bar fight with this total bruiser chick and yeah.......she got me but boy did i get her good." "You don't drink.....why were you in a bar?" "Um, for Karaoke. I felt inspired to sing last night."
So i ended up just putting ear plugs in because shutting the window would have made my room hot and single pane aluminum doesn't keep any sound out. Next time i'm just going to put my face to the screen and see if i can drown out her singing with my off key singing and see how she likes it. Maybe we could do a duet and then perform in retirement homes for the half deaf with adjustable hearing aides. We could call ourselves the Howler Hunnies. (If you steal this band name so help me i better get royalties)

1 comment:

  1. You should totally chime in next time--and be sure to pipe out some Michelle Branch :)