Lately I have been asking myself, “Is online dating worth the time you put into it?” At this point I am leaning towards, NO.
About 1-1/2yrs ago I decided to try my luck at online dating after attending a conference in DC and sitting through a session by an online dating coach (unfortunately the session I really wanted to go to was filled and the online dating was the only one that still had seats left) The woman who presented gave us pointers on how to fill out an online profile. Gave us tips on what types of pictures to upload; no more than 5, don’t have other people in the photo, do both up close and full body and probably include an active photo. She also gave us ideas on how to write our online profile, how to be clever and informative and ALWAYS include a question that can be answered so the person looking at the profile has something to ask you about.
With these tools in hand I figured, “Yeah, this ought to work.” WRONG!!!! In that nearly 18 mos I have had 3 dates, yep count them on one hand………1…………2…………….3. That’s it. Of the 100s of dudes I’ve messaged, flirted, winked, liked and chatted with from the internet I have only managed to make 3 of those interactions turn into an actual physical meeting and of those 3 NONE of them included a repeat date.
So of the HOURS I have spent setting up a profile, filling in information, uploading pictures, perusing other profiles, wondering if my information is enough to catch any interest or if my messages warranted a response I only have around 9hrs of date to show for it. If this were an investment I would cut my losses and move on with life the ROI for this is not really adding up.
So what is it? Why is online just so difficult? I found that many of the guys that did respond would only give one sentence answers and never ask follow up questions in an effort to ACTUALLY get to know more about me. And when I even suggested meeting in person for lunch or something the line went dead. Um………..hello? Is thing on? The best is when I had a previous thread going with a guy and then months later he’d send me a flirt as if this were the first time he’s seeing my profile. REALLY???? You don’t remember the empty conversation we had 2 months ago?
So tell me guys………….what’s the deal? Do you have these online profiles in an effort to show your nagging family that you’re “actively” looking for a girl to date? Is it just another way to boost your ego and have ladies flirt and message you while you literally sit on your butt? Or is it just a virtual bar where you hope to find the one “hottie” in the room in hopes she looks your way and agrees do go home with you that night?
After 3hrs of sleep and incidentally reading a ridiculous book about a girl going on a date with a guy she met online. I decided to be a bit bolder in my message to a guy and see what happened. So a guy I had messaged once before I messaged again and basically said, “Hey I think you’re cool. If you don’t think the same then let’s call it a day.” The reason I picked this guy is because he had viewed my profile 19 times which is the “in life” equivalent to staring at someone across the room for 12 hours and never making a move.
And what happened? Well surprisingly he messaged back and his reason for not messaging before was because he was nervous. WHAT!!!!! You have GOT to be kidding me?!?! An online message has to be the most non-threatening form of communication ever invented. Unless we start sending smoke signals again and then the only danger is catching yourself on fire which seems much more hazardous than someone ignoring your message.
I was flabbergasted. Online communication is an incredibly PASSIVE form of exchange. No tone of voice, no confusing facial or body language, you can take time to write incredibly smart or funny messages, and if you want to stop talking well you stop writing. What’s there to be nervous about? Are the nerves so bad that when you go to type the message your hangs shake and you can’t physically type? Or the sweat pouring from your elbow pits shorts out your keyboard and then your laptop? And don’t give me, a “fear of rejection” answer. Seriously!!!!
I can understand having trouble typing a question or message since an online profile takes out the art of small talk. Most profiles already include: where you’re from, what your degree is, where you went to college, your interests, etc. Which is the very definition of “small talk” but I’m pretty sure there is no spot for weather listed on the profile or favorite ice cream flavor (well maybe that one is listed on some but I haven’t seen it yet) but that’s still a weak excuse. I’ve typed “Hey, how’s it going?” to several guys, granted it’s not an earth shattering question but it gets a conversation started.
I heard a statistic once that 85% of guys will ask a girl out only if they have had previous interaction with them before. Perhaps this is the road block to online dating.
Or maybe I should have never posted that picture of myself at Halloween dressed as a troll under a bridge.