Lately I have been asking myself, “Is online dating worth
the time you put into it?” At this point I am leaning towards, NO.
About 1-1/2yrs ago I decided to try my luck at online dating after attending a conference in DC and sitting through a session by an online
dating coach (unfortunately the session I really wanted to go to was filled and
the online dating was the only one that still had seats left) The woman who presented gave us
pointers on how to fill out an online profile. Gave us tips on what types of
pictures to upload; no more than 5, don’t have other people in the photo, do
both up close and full body and probably include an active photo. She also gave
us ideas on how to write our online profile, how to be clever and informative
and ALWAYS include a question that can be answered so the person looking at the
profile has something to ask you about.
With these tools in hand I figured, “Yeah, this ought to
work.” WRONG!!!! In that nearly 18 mos I have had 3 dates, yep count them on one
hand………1…………2…………….3. That’s it. Of the 100s of dudes I’ve messaged, flirted,
winked, liked and chatted with from the internet I have only managed to make 3
of those interactions turn into an actual physical meeting and of those 3 NONE
of them included a repeat date.
So of the HOURS I have spent setting up a profile, filling
in information, uploading pictures, perusing other profiles, wondering if my
information is enough to catch any interest or if my messages warranted a
response I only have around 9hrs of date to show for it. If this were an
investment I would cut my losses and move on with life the ROI for this is not really
adding up.
So what is it? Why is online just so difficult?
I found that many of the guys that did respond would only give one sentence
answers and never ask follow up questions in an effort to ACTUALLY get to know
more about me. And when I even suggested meeting in person for lunch or
something the line went dead. Um………..hello? Is thing on? The best is when I had
a previous thread going with a guy and then months later he’d send me a flirt
as if this were the first time he’s seeing my profile. REALLY???? You don’t
remember the empty conversation we had 2 months ago?
So tell me guys………….what’s the deal? Do you have these
online profiles in an effort to show your nagging family that you’re “actively”
looking for a girl to date? Is it just another way to boost your ego and have
ladies flirt and message you while you literally sit on your butt? Or is it
just a virtual bar where you hope to find the one “hottie” in the room in hopes
she looks your way and agrees do go home with you that night?
After 3hrs of sleep and incidentally reading a ridiculous
book about a girl going on a date with a guy she met online. I decided to be a
bit bolder in my message to a guy and see what happened. So a guy I had
messaged once before I messaged again and basically said, “Hey I think you’re
cool. If you don’t think the same then let’s call it a day.” The reason I
picked this guy is because he had viewed my profile 19 times which is the “in
life” equivalent to staring at someone across the room for 12 hours and never
making a move.
And what happened? Well surprisingly he messaged back and
his reason for not messaging before was because he was nervous. WHAT!!!!! You
have GOT to be kidding me?!?! An online message has to be the most
non-threatening form of communication ever invented. Unless we start sending smoke signals again and then the only danger is catching yourself on
fire which seems much more hazardous than someone ignoring your message.
I was flabbergasted. Online communication is an incredibly
PASSIVE form of exchange. No tone of voice, no confusing facial or body
language, you can take time to write incredibly smart or funny messages, and if
you want to stop talking well you stop writing. What’s there to be nervous
about? Are the nerves so bad that when you go to type the message your hangs
shake and you can’t physically type? Or the sweat pouring from your elbow pits
shorts out your keyboard and then your laptop? And don’t give me, a “fear
of rejection” answer. Seriously!!!!
I can understand having trouble typing a question or message
since an online profile takes out the art of small talk. Most profiles already include: where you’re from, what your degree is, where you went to college, your
interests, etc. Which is the very definition of “small talk” but I’m pretty
sure there is no spot for weather listed on the profile or favorite ice cream
flavor (well maybe that one is listed on some but I haven’t seen it yet) but
that’s still a weak excuse. I’ve typed “Hey, how’s it going?” to several guys,
granted it’s not an earth shattering question but it gets a conversation started.
I heard a statistic once that 85% of guys will ask a girl
out only if they have had previous interaction with them before. Perhaps this
is the road block to online dating.
Or maybe I should have never posted that picture of myself
at Halloween dressed as a troll under a bridge.
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