Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I just might be an idiot

Over the past weekend my car was locked inside of a parking lot. How you ask? Well let me tell you “The Story of an Idiot”. Friday night I went to go see a concert at the local Fox Theatre. Ratatat was playing the venue (which if you have not heard them they are kick ass). As I was looking for a parking spot I noticed this parking lot open. As I drove through the gate I saw the faded sign that said “Tenant Parking Only” I figured it’d be fine for a couple of hours. I mean after all what do they do when they have guests? So I go to the concert where I feel like a chaperone at a high school dance. I think the average age in the venue was 15. I mean there was a girl there dressed in a hoodie that made her look like a teddy bear. I was considering asking her if she was filled with stuffing. I rocked out at the concert, enjoyed the awesome show, and inhaled enough 2nd hand haze that I just might fail my next drug test. When I made my way back to my car I saw the gates to the parking lot were closed. “Eh, no big deal I figured. I’ll just hop the fence and drive out.” WRONG! I hopped the fence (mind you it was a 8ft high rod iron fence from which I now have a big bruise on my thigh from resting my legs on the pointed tops) started my car and drove to the gate only to find that the gates were not motion activated. You had to actually have a gate controller of some sort to open the gates. SUCK! “Now what am I going to do? Oh, I know. I’ll just leave my car here for the night and come back in the morning when the gates are going to be open. No big deal.” I walked the 2miles home and then finally went to bed around 2am. (I had a book I just had to finish) I get up the next morning put on my jogging clothes and take a quick jog down to my car. GUESS WHAT?? The gates weren’t open. CRAP!!! I walked around the building to see if anyone was around that could open that gate. No one. I soon realized that the parking lot was for the Masonic Lodge, which meant that the parking lot probably was only open when they had meetings. LAME! That meant I would have to wait till the next meeting session which wasn’t until I think Wednesday. What would I do in the mean time? Hitchhike? Ride my bike? Find a homeless man to be my rickshaw for the weekend and use Pay Day candy bars as currency? Lucky for me I didn’t have anywhere to go and so wasn’t too worried about finding a ride. I walked back home and spent the rest of the morning doing chores around the house. That afternoon I met up with some friends at the county fair which lucky for me wasn’t too far from where I lived. Not so lucky for me was I walked 30min in the wrong direction, then found out the only public access point was on the other side of the fairgrounds and that is was 105 outside. It took me an hour to finally make it to the fair and by the time I got there I could feel the sweat pouring down my back and the blisters forming on the bottoms of my feet. None the less I toughed it out and walked around the fair for 5 hrs trying to make it look like I wasn’t limping from the pain I was in. After the fair the guys I was with were kind enough to let me tag along with them to a birthday party and said they would take me home after the party was over. When we arrived at the house I excused myself to the bathroom and jumped up on the counter to assess the damage to my feet. After I washed off the black dust I found the blister on my left foot was about the size of a quarter and on the right was the size of 2 quarters side by side. I also had blisters on my heels and a little one on the inside of my right foot. I was in bad shape. The ones on the bottoms of my feet were right on the ball of my feet between my big and 2nd toe. It made walking nearly impossible. I had to walk on the edges of my feet the rest of the night, any opportunity I had to sit and rest I took the chance. When I got home I hobbled into my bathroom and popped all the blisters. The clear fluid shot out of them because the pressure was so great. The next day at church I tried to wear the most padded sandals I had and avoid standing whenever possible.
Monday I rode my bike to work praying that the gates would be open so I could move my car. Once again to my disappointment they were still shut. I actually didn’t mind riding my bike to work. The cool breeze in the morning was great. Other than having a slightly flat tire the ride was completely enjoyable. However that afternoon on the way home it wasn’t so nice. The temperature had risen to 113 and I was sweating gallons on the bike. I once again stopped by the lot to once again see that the gates were still closed. I had tried calling the Masons but only received an answering machine and had even called the emergency contact only to have it ring forever and never an answering machine nor person answer. What kind of contact is that? What if I was really in an emergency? What if I had deciphered some ancient biblical text that lead to the secret grave of Jesus’ wife that contained a bottle of water that would heal anyone who drank it? HUH?!? Then what? The world would be screwed. I went to the front door hoping it would be open. I grabbed the handle and pulled. YES!! It was open. I ran down the little steps to grab my bike just in case I had to wonder around the building looking for someone when I turned back around I hear, “Can I help you?” “OH, yes. My sister parked my car in your lot on Friday and I really need to get it out. “ (yeah, that’s right I blamed my sister. I didn’t want them to think I was the idiot) “Was she supposed to be parking there?” ok, I’m going to stop diverge from the story right there for a bit. What kind of question is that? HELLO?!? Of course she/I wasn’t supposed to park there, that’s why I’m here asking for your help to get it out. DUH! If she were meant to have parked there then I wouldn’t be sweating my ass off riding my bike when it’s 115. I would have had her just open the gate and drive my car out. “You’re lucky we didn’t tow your car. Well let’s get that gate open. I didn’t realize I left this door open (commenting to his friend).” “Thank you.” I realized that apparently I was lucky at all that the door was open. I walked back to the lot saw the gate opening and quickly ran in, jumped in my car and drove it out. “Thank you very much, I really appreciate it.” I shoved my bike in my trunk and off I went. I swear I’m the world’s biggest idiot. In the last month I’ve ran out of gas, locked my keys in my car in the ignition with the radio running, almost ticketed for talking on my cell phone and now locking my car in a parking lot. Just in case you were wondering I’m running for the Darwin Awards. I do sure hope I win.

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